Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
