I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
