He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
