So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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