How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
