i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
