no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
