I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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