people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The adults are the big ones right?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
