i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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