you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I FOUND THE LEGS
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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