I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
