this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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