Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Randomize
