He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
