i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
