paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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