just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
