Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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