she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
