Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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