Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
