clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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