Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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