I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
