I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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