Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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