this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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