thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
