Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
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