just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
