So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
