We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
