I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
