I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
