If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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