She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
