Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
