don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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