EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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