Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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