can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
