What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
