You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
