We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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