Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
