My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
