dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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