So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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