Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
