How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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