he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
