Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Randomize
