how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
