You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize