She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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