please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
