Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
