No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
