did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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