Who did Billy Mays play for?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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