I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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