I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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