Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
