And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
