Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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