So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
