Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
