He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
