I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
