I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
